I wish I thought of that!
Some of you might remember when my hair was falling out and I decided to shave my head.  I had glamourous expectations of what I thought should happen. Turns out, my husband will tell you it was one of my 'worst moments' of going through chemo. The clippers died mid stream and left me with what could only be decribed as a mohawk gone bad. I was left literally pulling the rest of my hair out which must have looked a 100 times worse than it actually was because that's the image my husband has in his mind when he remembers that day. Geez.
My cousin, on the other hand had a very cool 'ceremonial shaving' I thought I would share with you - in case you ever ( although I hope you never have to ) shave your head.
Gathered with family, they burried her locks under a pink rose bush they planted in observance of the special day and toasted with mimosas. Damn! I wish I would have thought of that! Although seeing how I manage to kill all my plants, I would have been a little bummed out when the roses died, probably have taken it as an omen or something that my hair made the roses die. Anyway, I like her version much better and in fact, she forwarded this litle thing about St. Therese that kind of goes along with it. 

Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways. Meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love. She is also the patron Saint of flower growers and florists. She is represented by roses. St. Theresa's Prayer: May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a childof God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

I needed that reminder today- actually within the last few weeks , and since I have reserved the right to complain and/ or vent/whine /whatever on this blog there is something I need to get off my chest (pun intended).  Did I really need my cousin's breast cancer to remind me of just where I was a year ago? How on earth can I forget how just last year I appreciated every little thing in my life - the small things when just the other day I was racing all over town like a maniac thinking " Is this really what life is about?" Did I really go through all this cancer garbage just to run the same rat race? I am confused and stuck. I guess I felt like I had to work extra hard to get back the time I lost when I couldn't work. And now. . . . I am gratefully busy with classes and clients yet I am still letting my schedule run me instead of me running my schedule.  When I was going through treatmets I felt I had a purpose.  I knew I was going to make it because I knew there was a purpose.  Now. . . I don't know - sometimes I think " What if I was all wrong? " What if there really was no purpose at all??? Maybe I just made that up- like kids like to believe in fairy tales.
I guess I really did think when the cancer is gone you are 'all better' - I have news for you- it's never 'all over' It changes you - forever on very deep levels.  I guess I'm just having a hard time bouncing back.  My final surgery was last week and Matt made a comment about it 'finally being all over' and I nodded 'yes' and agreed but inside I was thinking 'this will never be all over'.  The reality is that there are scars that go way beyond the skins surface. There is pain and fatigue in my muscles and joints that realistically might not ever go away. My breasts will never, ever look or feel the same. I'm telling you- it's this final stretch that is the hardest by far, but when should I 'get over myself' and just move on?