Remembering
I don’t remember a lot growing up. In fact my sister could probably tell you more about me growing up than I could. I don’t remember a lot of my adulthood either, but I am very ‘sensory sensitive’. There are smells I remember very clearly. Like my nana’s house, or fresh cut grass from the lawn mower. These things can take me right back to a place or time when I remember things very clearly. I recently uncovered a new time- place association that wasn’t so nostalgic. The chemo place. When I went for ‘chemo days’ my husband and I would snuggle up to my laptop and watch movies for the afternoon. I didn’t think too much about it until I snuggled up in bed the other night and popped a movie in my laptop. I literally got nauseated. I didn’t really put things together until out of nowhere I got a whiff of the chemo room. Wow. This was certainly different than a whiff of fresh cut grass. I wondered if this was a version of post traumatic syndrome. Gratefully, the whole event lasted less than 5 minutes. It passed quickly and I was left shocked and amazed of this real physiological response to a laptop and a movie. I thought maybe I would watch some movies on my laptop in different situations, but I realized I would always associate watching movies on my laptop with ‘chemo days’. So glad those days are behind me.
My last surgery went off without a hitch too. I think it’s funny when Doctor’s tell you how great you did during surgery. Like I would know if I was ‘bad’? I mean, I think you are supposed to say ‘thank you’ – but it’s nothing you can control anyway so-what’s the point? What exactly does a bad patient do when they are under the knife- fart????
Anyway, I am astounded by the medical technology these days and the fact that I can have a hysterectomy with 3 tiny scars, some tenderness and be up and walking around that evening. I do have to give good ol’ Pilates some props because without it I doubt I would have recovered so quickly. So, here I am. I have some ‘finishing up’ in the breast area, but the big stuff is over. I made it – now what? Oh, I’ve got some things up my sleeve. If you know me or if you’ve been reading this blog you know that I constantly have something going. I’m teaching again and working on my newest stress management workshop - But there’s a part of me that kinda says “So, that’s it huh? Hmmmm. I looked cancer in the face and kicked it’s ass.” That’s pretty cool.
My last surgery went off without a hitch too. I think it’s funny when Doctor’s tell you how great you did during surgery. Like I would know if I was ‘bad’? I mean, I think you are supposed to say ‘thank you’ – but it’s nothing you can control anyway so-what’s the point? What exactly does a bad patient do when they are under the knife- fart????
Anyway, I am astounded by the medical technology these days and the fact that I can have a hysterectomy with 3 tiny scars, some tenderness and be up and walking around that evening. I do have to give good ol’ Pilates some props because without it I doubt I would have recovered so quickly. So, here I am. I have some ‘finishing up’ in the breast area, but the big stuff is over. I made it – now what? Oh, I’ve got some things up my sleeve. If you know me or if you’ve been reading this blog you know that I constantly have something going. I’m teaching again and working on my newest stress management workshop - But there’s a part of me that kinda says “So, that’s it huh? Hmmmm. I looked cancer in the face and kicked it’s ass.” That’s pretty cool.
Angella,
I am so happy to hear that your surgery went well and that you are up and back to work. I know that you will find a way to "reward" yourself for all that you have been through. Never give up your dreams.
XXOO, Wendy
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Angella,
I can relate to the story you told about feeling nauseated again while watching a movie. I know I have not been through as much as you with chemo, but I was really sick to my stomach while pregnant with Hannah. I used to lay on my couch and let Katrina watch lots of movies. While I was the most sick, she was into two movies and watched them many times. Recently when she started watching one of those movies, I felt so nauseous. I feel it even thinking about that movie.
It is a strange phenomenon. God made our brains in an amazing way, but sometimes it seems hard to deal with.
We want to remember some things while others we would prefer to forget. However, as you said, we all remember differently for some reason.
I am so glad to hear you done with your hysterectomy surgery. I will pray that you will adjust well to the hormonal changes, etc.
We love you and wish you all the best in your many endeavors. You are an amazing person.
Love,
Penelope
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I know! It's such a strange thing. I guess it can work in good ways too- like a certain perfume reminds you of someone. I do it a lot with songs and music too. Thanks for checking in and for all your notes of prayer and encouragement. That's another thing you don't forget either. . . all the people that keep cheering you on- it means a lot to me.
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Angella,
Is it just me? or is it anyone else that
is in "awe" reading your blogs.
Yes, you did face cancer and kicked it's butt. Knew you would and knew you could !
I am sending this to Suzie for encouragement.
Love you,
Mom
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Mom, you make me giggle. . . .I'm so happy you find me 'awe'some. Thanks for being my biggest fan. I love you!
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