My doctor called me the other day, at home. . . around 7:00 in the evening. . . while she was on vacation.  Everything about that scenario made my ears perk up and listen. Doctors rarely make phone calls like that.  She started with very basic conversation about the surgery etc. but as the conversation rolled on she strongly recommended I have a full hysterectomy and not just removal of the ovaries. Bummer.  She wasn’t making  a hasty decision.  I mean, we have met twice in her office and she listened to me, understood me and agreed that the removal of the ovaries is the least invasive procedure.  So, why the sudden change?  As she stated,” I just would hate for something to happen down the road and end up regretting your decision to not have everything removed when you had the chance.”
Uhhhhmmm- YEAH, me too. 

I know what happened, where my thinking got screwed up .  I went to see some goof ball doctor that looked like he just rolled out of bed and told him I needed a hysterectomy because I have this cancer gene, blah,blah,blah . . . and he said “ Why do you need a full hysterectomy? Why don’t you just have your ovaries removed?? It’s an outpatient procedure, there’s almost no recovery time, it’s very simple.” Bingo!!!! He said exactly what I wanted to hear.  I didn’t like him, but I liked what he had to say so when I went to see the new doctor, I said to her “I just need to have my ovaries removed.  I really don’t want a full hysterectomy.  I need to get back to work, blah blah ( I don’t want to stay in the hospital and I’m scared shitless of what type of pain this might bring me is what I really wanted to say )
She listened and understood but there was apparently a nagging voice in the back of her head that said that wasn’t the best thing to do for me, so she made the call.  I’ve learned to trust those gut feelings, even if they aren’t always mine.  My ego was telling me ‘just get the ovaries removed’ because I want this whole thing to be SO over already! I don’t want to go to the hospital again.  I don’t want any more pain.  O.k. and I will admit it, I feel like a money pit. There. I said it. I can’t help it.  It’s true.  It’s like replacing a new water heater or something.  You spend all this money and don’t really get anything fun for it.  I know, I know- you say “ Yes, but this could be saving your life!” or “ How do you put a price tag on a life?” But this little cancer gig has cost enough to send both our kids to college – and then some.  So, yes, I feel a little guilty and I know I shouldn’t but I just do.

I am also feeling like there is big adventure around the corner.  I don’t know what exactly, but I know that I didn’t go through this whole big process not to have something big and wonderful come out of it.  I’m at the final stages of this. I’m glad I didn’t take the easy way out with just the ovaries.  I feel like I have done all the right things to insure my survival and that’s a good feeling, even if it does take longer to recover.