A Successful Sugery
Success is such a relative term. What is success to one person is not the same for another. My surgery was a success in that the cancer was removed and that there is a 99% percent chance that it will not come back to the breasts. The pathology report came back and the tumor had clear margins (meaning they got all of it) and only one lymph node was affected so I will not need radiation. As far as surgery goes, mine was successful. I had a follow up visit with the Doctor to take the bandages off on Friday. He was very pleased with the results- I had a slightly different reaction. I think the reality of what has happened finally hit me. Not only did I look like something out of a horror movie- but my husband was going to have to see me this way. Once you look at something like that you can’t ‘unlook’ and even though I know my husband loves me, I realized he might not ever look at me the same way. To top it off, the rest of my eyebrows decided to fall out. I noticed for the first time I look ‘sick’. So, now the hard part comes-it’s time to use all the things I have learned. My walks get a little longer, I will rehabilitate myself using all stretches and exercises I have learned and try not to look in the mirror.
There’s a pep talk dancing around in my head, but it’s like watching someone talk and not being able to hear what they are saying. Things are still very foggy- like the lines between dreaming and reality have been blurred. I have never been through anything like this, so I don’t know really how to feel or when I can expect to be ‘back to myself’ again. This kind of thing changes a person- there really is no ‘going back’. I have good times and bad times ,several times throughout the day. I still have the drains in my chest so I know that once those are removed my recovery will be much quicker.
MY ‘inner tough girl’ has been getting a work out- I just gotta make it through the next few months. . .
PS. I want to thank everyone for all the phone calls, emails and cards etc. when I get my head back together, I will respond to them as quickly as I can.
You are amazing! You must be going thru hell but you are trying to do everything right - my thoughts are with you all the time and hope that both mentally and physically, you will get through this the way you have all of the chemo sessions. So glad the surgery sounds so successful. Love, Rita
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Rita- thanks for the vote of confidence! I am back on track- see you soon!
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Ang,
You will get through this, just like you passed through the chemo. the thought of writing a quote... Patience
is a Virtue, then thinking, what exactly
does that mean anyway? One hears is so often. Looked if up, Virtue...an admirable quality, a particular moral
excellence. You have both. Now add having patience to this (tough one)
and you will come out on top of this
experience beautifully.
Be strong
Love, Mom
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Dear Angellah,
I wish I could be there to give you a hug, and to listen. I have not experienced anything like you are going through, and have been through, so I have no words of wisdom for you. All I can say is the monkey mind tries to tell us we should or could be doing things better or differently, but what I say is "feed it a peanut butter covered banana, and tell it to take a hike." The way you "do this" and "be this," is perfect just the way it is. You are a beautiful creation of God, and I am so grateful to know you. Our prayers go with you. Lots of love,
Sandy and Wes
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Sandy- Thank you so much for reminding me. I wish I could give you a big hug, but I will suffice with a cyber hug for now. This will be o.k.- It will just take some time.
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Angie--Woo Hoo--WTG--YOU ARE AMAZING!!!
Truly-I'm so grateful that the chemo, surgery, and reconstruction has gone well for you...Each day really does get easier...I'm so impressed with the blog!! Just for the record, I have never been on a blog before...LOL--thanks for the new experience!! I have only read just a few of the entries, (Lillian and I were reading them together-over the phone). Having cancer gives one a very thick outer layer and an even softer more compassionate and open insides (heart), I'm thrilled and must say a bit envious that you got to go to the A. Weil conference-how very cool, and serendipitous at this juncture in your life. Definitely one of my nutritional inspiration heroes. Please call or e-mail anytime--also know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Much healing, peace and love to you, Tina
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Tina- I had to laugh when I saw your entry. I am SO happy I got to be a 'first' for you as far as the blog goes.
I feel so grateful too that I had the opportunity to go to the conference. I felt like I got to meet Oprah or something - getting the chance to meet with and listen to "Andy's" lectures. It was so cool - everyone called him 'Andy'. The Integrative Medicine program at U. of Arizona was recently changed from a 'program' at the school to an actual center so maybe I will head down to Tucson more often to learn from him. Who knows?? They also have a very cool program at Columbia University in New York where he and other well known people in his field are guest teachers. I would love to be able to do that too- So much to do on my 'list' of wishes.
Anyway- thanks for dropping in! Great to hear from you - I think of you often and your journey as well. Say "Hi"" to Lilly for me!
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