If I should Die Before I Wake. . .
I pray the Lord my soul to take. That’s it right? That’s the way the childhood prayer goes before you go to bed? For some reason, I can’t think of the rest of it right now. Oddly enough, the prayers of my Catholic youth are also flowing through my head. Hail Mary, full of grace . . . or there is one song that I really used to like- "Peace is flowing like a river, flowing out of you and meeeee"- I haven’t been to a Catholic mass in a long time, but those are the ones I sing when I’m scared. I guess any sane person would be a little scared when facing major surgery. I’ve been doing a pretty good job of distracting myself- but then I get little waves of panic- like “What if?” I don’t feel like my ‘house in in order’ there’s too much I want to do, so much music left in me. I’ve had a wonderful life. Yes, there have been challenges, but overall, I have been so blessed by so many experiences and people I’ve met. I hope that when this mess is finished I can recall the feeling I have right now. One of gratitude and vulnerabilty, one that asks why I EVER picked about such insignificant crap. Because in the end ( and this is no where near the end ) but in the end, it just doesn’t matter. I’ve never felt so scared and so alive at the same time. I guess that’s partly why I am writing this down, because as time goes by the freshness of these feelings wear off and complacency sets in. Life happens, one day leads into the next and before you know it- you find yourself in the same rut.
Then I realized I was all wrong about this- instead of worrying I should party like a rock star- If in fact something should go awry, would I want to spend my time worrying or enjoying life? Pretty simple answer. So, I had a great day today- I did the things I wanted to do and tonight I am having a big fat juicy steak with a glass of the finest red wine and I might even have a chocolate desert. So my dear friends, hopefully I will be blogging from the hospital-but if not then, I will catch up over the weekend. I love and appreciate all of you – you have all been true friends throughout all of this and this blog has helped me in so many ways. Tomorrow I will have to get my ‘tough girl’ on, but or tonight, a glass of wine is calling my name. . .
Then I realized I was all wrong about this- instead of worrying I should party like a rock star- If in fact something should go awry, would I want to spend my time worrying or enjoying life? Pretty simple answer. So, I had a great day today- I did the things I wanted to do and tonight I am having a big fat juicy steak with a glass of the finest red wine and I might even have a chocolate desert. So my dear friends, hopefully I will be blogging from the hospital-but if not then, I will catch up over the weekend. I love and appreciate all of you – you have all been true friends throughout all of this and this blog has helped me in so many ways. Tomorrow I will have to get my ‘tough girl’ on, but or tonight, a glass of wine is calling my name. . .
Hi Angela,
Here is the version I learned. We're praying for you...
"Now I lay me down to sleep, pray the Lord my soul to keep, guard me through the starry night, wake me safe when sun shines bright. If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.
Bless grandma and grandpa, my brothers and sisters, and all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends."
AMEN
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Yes, yes I remember the 'pray the Lord my sould to keep' but I forgot the 'guard me through the starry night' part. You never get too old for that prayer. I am sorry I missed my personal prayer session with you- but I know I am in good hands- Thank you for your post and for keeping tabs on me- hope you all are doing well- love you!
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I guess when I talked to you last night,
you're glass of red wine had called you because after I hung up the phone, I
could not believe you're outlook, the peace in your voice, it was almost as if
you were excited. WAIT..... it wasn't the glass of wine, it was "just being Angella". Matt even said when he called,
how you weren't even nervous this morning. God and the angels were giving you what you needed honey.
I called Dad and gave him the good news.
Will talk to you later this week when you are up to it. I love you bunches
Mom
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You've got your own personal prayer team here in the White Mountains cheering you on. God's life and love flow through your mind and body as a steady stream of healing energy and strengthening power, touching every cell of your body and calling forth radiant wholeness. Your entire body is restored and your heart and mind are at peace.
Love, Wes & Sandra
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Dear Angellah - You are so in my thoughts and prayers. I, too, seem to always remember my "Hail Marys" in bad times. Thanks for just being wonderful, happy, scared, brave you.
Connie
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