I love the Dalai Lama.  Not because I am a Buddhist, per say, but because when he laughs, I laugh.  When he smiles, I find myself smiling. Just watching him makes me feel good. 

I recently watch a documentary of 10 questions to ask the Dalai Lama.  Mostly it was political questions about world peace, hunger and happiness.  But I have to admit, I really wanted to know what the Dalai Lama would say about cancer.
I  imagined him saying something like “ Cancer is a reflection of negative thoughts and attitudes – and eating fried foods” or maybe something like “ Cancer is a punishment from your past life-  and eating red meat”  I’m not really sure, but one profound thought I have  about having cancer is that “life goes on”. The world still revolves.  The bank could really care less if you are chronically ill.  My kids are still pissed off that they have a curfew and  I still have to nag them to take out the garbage.  As much as I find myself wanted to ‘stop the crazy train’ - hours and days still seem to pass.  Rather slowly I might add. In fact, the last few months seem like they have been in slow motion. Usually a week goes by, a few more and poof- it’s a whole month. Not lately. I feel like I have been bald forever. It’s only been a few weeks.  I start feeling pretty proud of myself when I think about ‘ making it so far’ but it’s only been 3 treatments.  I find myself making markers of time depending on when I had my hair. “ No, that happened BEFORE  Christmas because I still had my hair” Which brings me back to the D.M. He’s already got the bald head thing so he couldn’t really relate.  And he doesn’t have to worry about restricting his diet- he drinks yak butter and mush everyday.  The Dalai Lama isn’t married either so his patience isn’t tested when he doesn’t feel good.  He doesn’t have to explain to his loved ones  that yes, this time their farting really IS making me nauseated. No really. . . .I mean it.

There are times when I have let the ‘c’ word consume my thoughts and even days.  It’s true- but sometimes it FEELS so big. Sometimes, I want to get out of my body and be someone else for awhile- maybe the Dalai Lama could teach me to have out of body experiences . . .like for days at a time. Oh wait- I think they have drugs for that.  But they make me feel weird, so I try not to take them – and they make me tired. Who needs that when you’re trying to have a life? 

You can’t really fault the Dalai Lama for not being able to empathize with our western culture. He was brought up that way and doesn’t know any different which again makes me think. How would I act if I didn’t know I had cancer? Would it change my decisions? Would it change my thinking? What if I just ‘pretended’ like I didn’t have cancer? Yes, that would change everything. Is it possible to take only the good things I’ve learned about cancer? Like call your friends more often, don’t pick about the small things and do things that make you happy? That sounds like something the Dalai Lama would say don’t you think?  I’ll let you know how that works out.