My Christmas Wish For You.
The Hamilton’s made a big, old fashioned scene last night at dinner. I was waiting at the dinner table while my husband went to get my son up in the room. (He takes more time to get ready than a girl these days, but that’s a different story) Anyway, he comes back down and says “We just got this huge tray of cheese and crackers, with wine- the full spread” and he hands me the card that went with it. That’s when the floodgates opened. This beautiful, generous gift was from a friend I have not talked to in a very long time. She has secretly been keeping up on me and knew about our trip to Whistler. It totally blew me away- I was crying, my husband was trying to hug me and console me and my 12 year old just wanted to crawl under the table. My 15 year old was calling her boyfriend and thankfully missed the whole thing.
A similar thing happened last week when I opened a Doctor’s bill with a heavy sigh and then proceeded to open a card from a friend with some “Christmas cash” stuffed away. Or when a care package came with lots of little gifts with notes attached to each one. The time and thoughtfulness of the gift itself made me cry. Or when I received a package from my mother in law at the very beginning of my diagnosis with teas and a teapot and a book to boot. Or when the ladies that I have taught Pilates to gave me a comfy Victoria’s Secret gift. The list goes on. I even got choked up about a card the dentist office sent me when they learned about my diagnosis. My son just thinks I am a mess. If he remembers anything about my cancer, he will probably say “ I remember my mom crying a lot” Yes, I cry a lot lately. But the thing is, it’s not out of sadness. It is really out of sincere gratitude. It’s kind of like the world is giving a nudge to these wonderful friends and family to let me know “ I am here for you and thinking about you- everything will be all right”. I have truly never felt so supported and loved in my entire life.
Yes, it is true that chemo therapy makes you smell things and taste things in different ways. But it also makes you see the world differently. With each gift, card, email or prayer you feel more deeply than ever before. I am grateful and I am blessed.
My Christmas wish for all of you is to be able to feel this deeply – without the cancer. Sad as it is to say, I don’t know that I would actually verbalize this to a friend or family member without this blog. I mean, what if I cry or something in front of you and make yet another scene? But it’s true- oh So, SO true. Whether you are reading this for the first time or have known me for years, you have ALL impacted me in some special way. I hope that this Christmas and every Christmas you remember this blog and know that someone loves you and appreciates you from the bottom of their heart. Merry Christmas.
Angella,
Merry Christmas in your Winter Wonderland! I cherish your special moments. Thank you for sharing them with us and reminding us what is really important, not just at the holidays, but everyday!
XXOO, Wendy
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Angella,
I can really appreciate this story for two reasons. I can think of several times when I was really emotional around you and you were such a blessing in helping me to feel it was OK whether it was out of sadness or joy.
Secondly, I can relate even now, for we have experienced such an outpouring of love and help since baby Hannah was born. I have not handled the multitasking so well and admire you and others who seem to have handled childbirth and childcare so easily. I have shed many tears of joy though because God has sent so many wonderful people to encourage and help me at just the right times, whether it be by providing food or calling or writing a note to encourage me that I am not the only one who has struggled to adapt to a change in life.
So in some ways, I feel I have been receiving the love and encouragement you mentioned without going through chemo.
Lastly, I realize this is a call for me to "pay it forward" which I have sometimes been lazy about in the past.
I am really thankful that you are getting a chance to know how special you are to people. I don't know why it takes difficulty to get us motivated to share our feelings and encourage others, but we can learn to do it more often when we have experienced the boost it gives us.
Love to you and Matt, Chelsea and Brandon.
Penelope
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Hi Penelope!
Thank you so much for your post- it really got me thinking how many of the thoughts/ experiences about going through cancer are also similar to the changes we go through in life. It doesn't matter if it's cancer or just a time of major change and/or struggle. Many of the emotions are still the same.
Please let me remind you that is it a heck of a lot easier to 'multitask' when your kids are older than it is when they are newborns and toddlers. Often times I look at people from the outside and I think- "How do they mange so well?" and the answer is that many times they are strugling inside like everyone else. You have an amazing support system- use it and the rest of the things that don't get done? Let them go- chances are they weren't that important anyway.
I don't believe that World wants us to suffer. So many times when life is in chaos I think " God- couldn't you have taught me this lesson without so it being so hard?" but, I already know the answer - "probably not" because it wouldn't have changed me in the way it needed too- I'm pretty stubborn.
So,Penelope- best wishes for you and your new family. I think of you and pray for you often.
Angella
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