“Support” is Not a Four Letter Word
My surgeon gave me some information on support groups. I smiled politely, took the information and dropped it right in the garbage when I got home. The thought of sitting around in a group talking, talking, talking about cancer is not my idea of ‘getting healthy’. I don’t want to explain what kind of cancer I have, what my plan of treatment I am taking, blah, blah, blah with total strangers. (Although , I did have a rather lengthy discussion with my bikini waxer while I was getting my last wax ‘down there’) It just sounds very depressing to me. Why is the word (and it is just a word ) such a sign of weakness for me? I want to change the name of support groups- to ‘Empowerment Groups’ or something. Maybe I’m too stubborn- I want to do things on my terms. I want to spend my time feeling uplifted and inspired. I don’t want to rehash what sucks about my life right now. I have to admit I do feel like I’m in a recovery group – when I get caught up in what things look like in the future I remind myself “One day at a time”. I wish this phrase wasn’t so cliche, because it really is true. But, part of being a 'Tough Girl' is knowing when to ask for help. So, I will at the very least look into the groups. Maybe it’s time to change my belief systems about support.
I also realize that support comes in a lot of different forms and sometimes it’s selfish to keep refusing offers of help. I am so much more comfortable being the Supporter rather than the Supportee. It’s such a great feeling to help someone and yet, I rob people of that sometimes by refusing to accept help. So, looking for the opportunity for growth in all of this, I am working on accepting more help. I want to thank all of you by the way, this blog is an incredible outlet for me. I love all your thoughts, ideas, kind words and what I love the most is when people are able to say “ I don’t know what to say – this just sucks!” Sometimes, it’s the most appropriate response.
Angella,
When people offer their assistance, let them help. It is their way of coping with their helplessness in all of this. Find something for them to do. It makes us feel better and it probably will make you feel better, too. For instance...they offer to drive you to an appointment, run errands for you, cook for your family (you might not feel like it alot,) help with grocery shopping, etc. You get it. You will really be doing them a favor by saying yes. Love your blog(s). I think you have found another something that you are very good at.
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Wendy- thank you! I am learning to accept more help. I love the blog too- thanks for the compliment!
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It was interesting to hear your thoughts
on supports groups. I remember when I joined a support group and I too, had your same thoughts. I was all too ready to help and support others but did not want to humble myself to open up or receive their help. Wow, what an eye opener and learning experience. I found
that in order to give, you've got to receive.
That's just the way it works. Also one
great benifit from being a part of a
SP is the awesome friends I have made.
Now tat my age, they will be life long friends, how cool is that?? Wendy has great advice !!!!
Love, Mom
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Yes, already I realize how blessed I am to have such support around me. I'm doing much better at this. I already took 3 people up on their offer to help!
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I am looking for a support group in my area. I live in cave creek and would love to make some ew friends.
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Awesome- I am working on this for you - let me do some digging. I'll be in touch soon!
Angella
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